Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Relentlessly Fueled by Anticipation

Shared closet space, weekend getaways, Taco Tuesdays, footsie, mutual telepathic thoughts, dancing, unraveling annoying habits... A boundless list comes to mind at the mere mention of my imminent departure. Married life awaits me in a foreign land and there's a constant stream of curiosity which floods my thoughts.

Where do I even begin?

Embarking on a new journey opens doors to countless opportunities. No matter how hackneyed it sounds, we have all found this to be accurate and logical. Adversely, an introduction of a new cycle acts as a prelude to the end of another. Detaching from a way of life that's customary in your homeland is tougher than I initially perceived it to be. I have come to appreciate the underrated value of observance in environments I used to frequent prior to my visa process.

When I tendered my resignation at work, I got to mull over my daily routines and couldn't help but feel robotic. I inadvertently lost track of time, slipped into reverie during coffee breaks and began to feel lethargic. Intuition led me to infer that my life in the Philippines was over. After a few bags of chips and tons of unhealthy caloric binges, it dawned on me that parting ways doesn't always have to be tearful. I may be leaving my beloved country but I'll have snapshots to take with me as I go. One month is an ample enough amount of time for me to be myself; no pretenses just because I'm leaving. Revel in the Filipino lifestyle that I've imbibed for twenty three years. Be with family and celebrate a momentous Despedida de Soltera to remember down the line.

Change is the only permanent thing in this world and I'm ready to take it head on. There are so many possible answers to the questions that ravage my thoughts. It's ultimately pointless to squander time obsessing over the scenarios in my head.

How am I going to insert myself into society? Will I be welcome? Will there be a suitable job for me? Do I really have to clean the bathroom? Where can I buy adobo? lol.

I've decided to take things by stride since the happiest instances are shared upon actual spontaneity. In my case, apprehension apparently incites paranoia so a chill pill and optimism goes a long way. I will strain forward to what lies ahead of me.

Destiny may be preordained yet the fulfillment of that desire is contingent on the action taken. Hence, I will create my own destiny.

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." - Shakespeare


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